How are you feeling today?
I’m feeling good today actually, and it’s a relief because I had not been feeling good for a couple of days. I wasn’t doing the right things, I wasn’t getting out of the house – really simple things are going to save me at the minute. I meditated this morning, did a tiny bit of yoga, I sat in the garden with my shoes off and sat in the sun and had really good coffee. Then me and my kids planned out what we’re going to cook today and tomorrow and it’s a feast! And it’s also the weekend and I’m not working – I’m still trying to behave as if the world is the same and I still need to work ten hours a day Monday to Friday.
What is something that you’ve lost as a result of the pandemic?
There’s a couple of things I feel I’ve lost – I’ve lost community, in real life community. I’ve lost freedom. I’ve also lost busyness – but I don’t miss it. I’ve lost the long list of things that I have to do that are stacked on my calendar in front of me. I was travelling quite a bit for work, I live in Donegal and I was going to Dublin quite a lot. I was terrified to say no to anyone, I felt that I had to prove that having the kids or being in Donegal was not going to hold me back in any way – and it’s really hard! I was doing mad things like driving to Dublin, then driving to Galway, then driving to Donegal… So I’ve lost that busyness and I don’t miss it. But I do miss community in the sense that I miss touching my friends, hugging them and just the freedom of being able to get in the car and just go somewhere, I really don’t like that.
What have you gained?
I have gained a deeper appreciation of our innate powerlessness, of how we are tiny flecks of dust and we’re not able to control everything and we thought we could and we can’t. For me, I’ve gained a sense that there’s some type of higher power, divine force, universal nature that’s actually in charge – I feel like whatever that is just said ‘right lads, you’ve fkked everything up and I’m going to sort stuff out now, you are all going to your room. You’re on a time out, you have been so bold!’ So I kind of have a sense of that, there’s something bigger than us, the powerlessness – and we can either lean in to the terrifying nature of that or we can surrender into the flow of that, and so that’s what I’m trying to do – on a day by day basis that’s what I’m trying to do, surrender into the flow of that.
Who or what are you most worried about?
If I’m honest, what I’m worried about, if I had to choose anything, I’m worried about my business and my future. I’m worried about money, I’m worried about how things are going to be – and not just for me, for everyone. As soon as people say things like ‘economic collapse’ or ‘the great depression’ or ‘global recession’, I just shut down, I cannot cope with that because my mind immediately goes to things like losing the house, all that kind of stuff. So I choose not to think about that, but if I have to focus on being afraid of one thing, it would be finances and money. If I had to choose about people, I’m a woman in active recovery, I’m a sober woman – I’ve been sober for over six years and it’s really important to me, it’s part of my identity. I would be really worried about people who are in homes where there is active addiction happening. People who are now trapped in those homes, I worry about particularly vulnerable people like women and children in those situations. In our house one of the things that I’m so grateful for is the fact that, even though things aren’t perfect, by any means because it’s life, there’s moments of real happiness in our house, we’re having the craic. I would really worry about homes where that’s not a thing.
What are you most hopeful for?
I’m most hopeful for this to be a great wake up call to people, in every area, particularly environmentally, but in terms of the way we live, work, communicate, do business, all of it. My greatest hope is that this is a wake up call, that it’s not too late, that we can turn things around. This is the moment where say, that thing that happened, that was the pivot, we turned things around then – because we had to, because if we kept going the way we were going, we were fkked, in every way.